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"The Hero" - Prologue (Chapter three released!)

For writers and readers, spriters and banner makers, and whatever else you can do that is creative.

"The Hero" - Prologue (Chapter three released!)

Postby Shohs » Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:20 am

The forum messed up my format, makes me sad. Anyway, enjoy it! Thanks to Broags for titling this piece.

The Sage’s spell broke too early, sending the Hero hurtling down to Nistroudis’ surface. He quickly enacted a spell to soften his fall, grateful for the protective armor the Celests had given him. As expected, the plasma beneath his feet began to cave in, as if he were sinking into the star itself. A small flutter of panic passed through his mind, quickly brushed aside by the practiced swordsman. The warrior inside kept the Hero calm as the plasma slowly began to crawl up his neck, finally dropping out from beneath him, sending him hurtling once again toward the ground.

The chamber he was in was small and surprisingly dark, illuminated only by a faint glow coming from the walls. Upon further examination, the Hero was surprised to notice that the walls themselves were made of lumisteel, which he recalled as a rare metal that gives off a faint glow when properly smithed. His instincts pulled him to the only exit to the chamber, a winding passageway large enough to accommodate a siege weapon. Within a few short minutes, he was in the next chamber, a rather large, circular room with the same faint glow coming from the walls.

Sensing a change in the room’s atmosphere, the Hero dropped to the ground in time for an arc of black fire to slice through the very spot he had been standing in. Gruesome images of a smoldering corpse flashed through his mind as he stood up to face his attacker. A quick incantation enhanced the Hero’s vision, allowing him to more clearly see his new enemy. The creature was the size of an average man, wearing a dark kimono with a wicked mace hanging from his sash and small burlap bags on his other hip, a Melio.

“Human,” came the raspy voice from the Melio’s direction, an obvious sneer was present.

“I have no time for idle chatter. Know the power of your enemies.”

The Hero concentrated, searching for the telltale crimson spark of life in his blade. The spark required a sacrifice, only a small offering of the Hero’s life force for this particular ability. Appeased, the spark grew immediately into an inferno. The Hero opened his eyes, reveling in the apparent discomfort shown by the Melio.

The inferno began to color the Xisren Crest shaped cross guard of his sword a deep crimson color, the cause of the Melio’s discomfort. Slowly, the Crest expanded, disappearing when it reached a foot in diameter and reappearing on the Melio’s chest. As if it knew its doom, the Melio dropped the flashpowder bag it was enchanting and stared at the Xisren. The Hero quickly brought up his shield as the symbol exploded in a large ring of plasma, singing the walls and leaving no trace of the Melio.

The Hero sheathed his sword, whole once more, and continued onward through the next corridor, a straight passageway to the next room. The corridor went on for miles, forcing the Hero to stop and regain his breath twice. As light flooded into the otherwise darkened corridor, the Hero slowed his pace, cautious once again. The room was vast, a full mile on each side, with a large part of the ceiling completely missing, allowing light from neighboring stars to flood into the room. A maniacal laughter echoed through the room, followed by a swift black cloud.

The cloud swirled in front of the Hero, slowly materializing into a glowing, light blue creature. His eyes were pitch black, matching the heart hidden away inside the cursed beast. He had white, ragged hair that seemed to have been cut in a zigzagged pattern. This creature was dangerous; it was this meeting that the Hero had been preparing for for the past fifteen years.

The Hero began his chant to release the Xisren’s power once again, but was cut off by the presence of a small glob of violet fire burning at his feet. He had only enough time to get his shield up before the glob exploded, singing his arms and face from the intense heat. The glow of lumisteel was all the warning the Hero received that his foe was making a stab attack, his reflexes parrying the blow before it caused any harm.

The cursed creature reversed its attack, feinting a downward slash before flicking its wrist to curve the blade back up at the Hero’s chest. The Hero ducked below the attack and rolled under the creature, already forming itself back into a cloud. The lumisteel blade shot out from the cloud without warning, forcing the Hero backward. Too late, he realized the trap lying on the ground; a slightly discolored area on the floor that was softer than the plasma. A bright flash blinded the Hero, and he felt a sharp sting on his cheek, and another on his calf. He reached out and grabbed the blade as it made another strike, the plating of his gauntlets protecting his palm from harm.

His vision returning, the Hero quickly thrust his sword at the cloud in a surprise attack. The blade cut nothing but Nistroudis’ atmosphere, leaving the Hero staring in awe at the cloudy horror swirling in front of him. The demonic being shot off into the air above the Hero, disappearing swiftly. The Hero took this as a chance to situate himself in a more defensible position.

Sweat had already begun to form on the Hero’s brow. The battle had begun earlier than what he had anticipated, and the Hero was quickly becoming overwhelmed by his opponent. He felt the telltale buzz and brought his shield up just in time to absorb the electricity of his opponent’s spell. Quicker than his thoughts, he turned and parried a blow, sparks flying from his opponent’s lumisteel blade as it met the Hero’s blade of pure diamond.

The Hero glanced around, wary of an attack. Sensing his opponent’s next move, he began a chant, his blade glowing brighter with each word. He saw the black cloud that was his opponent swiftly glide toward him. He swung his blade, but it passed through his opponent.

“You are slow, ‘Hero’. You will never defeat me. You make fighting feel rather dull. I suppose there isn’t much I can do but exterminate you and that wretched equipment you’re wearing.”

The Hero hadn’t the time to even raise his weapon before the lumisteel blade made its way through his lung. The Hero looked down at the point of the blade, giving off its own faint glow. Looking into the blade was a mistake, he knew, but his gaze was drawn despite the danger. As he stared, he felt as if the plasma beneath his feet was giving out. He felt as though time and space themselves stopped, and the Hero lost consciousness.

– Wake up you fool. This is not the time to be napping. You are dying. –

The Hero glanced around, surprised to find himself in a large city. There were no people in sight, and the large, onyx castle had a deathly silence to it. He was in the palace courtyard, lying in a grove of sakura. Beyond the castle gates was a wall of crimson light. He did not want to go that way.

He studied the closest pennant, frozen in place, and was surprised to see the Xisren Crest. He knew at once where he was. The Hero quickly rose to his feet when he saw the creatures that were walking toward him. They walked with a gait that held him entranced, locked in place as if by some spell. His sight was suddenly darkened, the form of The Sage blocking out his view of the creatures.

– You have only a small amount of time to finish your duties on Nistroudis. Go. –

The Hero returned to consciousness with a jolt, crying out a prayer to Fîrìa in his pain. He knew what his goal was, and he knew just how to do it. The star itself was too large to destroy in his current state, but he would take as much as he could down with him. He began to chant one last time, watching as plasma and lumisteel began to form a dense sphere in the space around him. With a final shout, the sphere shot off into the stars.
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Nat » Fri Nov 13, 2009 8:29 am

cool! so whats the title?
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Road351 » Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:01 am

if i was a teacher i will give you an A,so wats the title??Can it be "The Savior" :P
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Shohs » Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:37 pm

It's the first part of a full length story, so I can't come up with a title yet, thus "Untitled". Without having the whole thing written it is difficult to come up with a title. But thanks for the opinions guys, glad to hear you like it :)
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Road351 » Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:58 pm

np :P
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Nabeel95 » Sun Nov 15, 2009 5:39 pm

i didn't really read it =/
i just wanted to see how long it is xD

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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Shohs » Sun Nov 15, 2009 5:40 pm

Lol.
I actually added a bunch of writing I had to a Word doc last night and started typing some more, it isn't very long yet but...oh well.
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Cool Trainer Kyle » Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:13 pm

Shohs, you have truly created a magnificent piece here! Not only does it flow as if a professional author had written it, but the actual content is very unique. It is a mix of the past, the present, and the future, exactly what I imagine a fantasy story to be. I don't just like it, I love it. I cannot wait to see further additions.

This may be a naive question, but was the Hero dreaming of his situation before it actually happened? I just want to make sure I have all the facts straight.
I love you so much Tori!!!!!!! 5-9-08 <3333333333333333333333333333333
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Shohs » Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:24 pm

He was not dreaming at any point. The parts where he said something like "as expected" or "he knew where he was" is because he was tutored by The Sage before leaving for Nistroudis. This battle actually took place a few centuries before the timeline of the real story. It's sort of an introduction to the story, setting the scene if you will. The place he found himself in with the Xisren Crest pennants was similar to what we call heaven.

Thank you very much for the praise you gave, is it really that good? :)
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Cool Trainer Kyle » Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:30 pm

it is! It's very good. That being said, now that I know the provided information, it makes it even better! It takes a little bit of deciphering to understand what you told me just from reading it through the first time. It makes the piece above the average reading level, but not overly difficult to read and understand. As of right now, I don't think you should change a thing about it. The way you started the story, and the abstract connections that you have provided reminds me of things that I have read in my english classes over the past couple of years. Meaning that it reminds me simply of amazing literature.
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Shohs » Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:37 pm

That makes me feel really good, seriously. Thank you so much for your input, it really does mean a lot coming from you. Happy day :)
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Cool Trainer Kyle » Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:38 pm

You're very welcome :D
I love you so much Tori!!!!!!! 5-9-08 <3333333333333333333333333333333
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Re: Untitled (Really, how should I know a title?)

Postby Broags » Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:32 pm

Wow - That was great.
Fantasy and Sci-fi are the main things I read.

As it is the first part of a larger piece how about you call that piece 'The Hero' (would tie in well as it is how the character is referred to often) and think of a main title as you develop it further.

Sorry for the short post it deserves more.

I was wondering what you were writing, glad I found it. Well done.

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Enter Nova

Postby Shohs » Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:52 pm

Thanks Broags :)
I love hearing that people like it. I think I will call it "The Hero". Sounds good :D
I'm working piece by piece on the next part, where the real story starts. Will probably be done with the next section...tonight maybe. I'm kind of dead on this "chapter", so I will probably end it and take up on it in the next chapter, so I can a sort of renewal. If that makes any sense.


Good news guys, I finished the next chapter!

Enter Nova

The smell of burning pine was everywhere. The smoke didn’t sting the eyes; centuries of evolution saw to that. A bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree, and Nova’s instincts warned her to change direction. A tree root lashed out at her, tangling around her calf, forcing her down to the ground. Focusing the power of her race to her leg, she burned through the root and ran to a nearby tree. Grateful for the temporary reprieve, she took stock of the forest.

She was in the Grove of Arvol, a small section of the Forest of Origin. Due to the smoke and fog, her vision was severely limited. The trees seemed, to an uneducated Celest, to be just trees. But Nova knew better. She placed her hand on the tree and felt the faint pulse running through her mind, the pulse of a sentient being. She knew that the Forest of Origin was a living graveyard.

A bright, sky blue light shone at her eyes, temporarily blinding her. Instinctively, she dropped to the ground and rolled to the side. Looking up, she gave a faint cry of recognition.

“Shut up Nova! We both know the consequences of losing the Xyrala!”

Nova nodded in agreement, thinking back to their lessons. The two were old enough to participate in the Xyrala now. Over the past few years, they had been given many lessons by the Celestial Elders. One in particular came to mind now.

The Xyrala is an important part of a Celest’s life. For many of you, it is the end of your life. The rules are simple; you may use anything and everything at your disposal to win. Alliances are allowed, as are betrayal, deceit, and traps. The former two, however, are looked down upon. The Forest is under a constant blanket of fog; your vision will be limited.

To the victor belong the spoils; should you kill another student, anything in his or her possession is yours to keep. Looting other kills is strictly forbidden. The Xyrala is a very brutal game; the three least harmed participants will be the victors. These victors will then attend the Ceremony of Imvïa; the initiation ritual marking each as true Celests. Participation in the Xyrala is not voluntary; each member must injure or kill at least one of the other participants or they will be punished by the Elders.


Nova returned to the present with a strange tingling sensation on her wrist. From the day she was born, a crimson and black Xisren Crest had been present just below her palm. The Crest now felt alive, as if the plasma below was moving around of its own accord. Rivïo let out a small noise; a large, burning object was falling toward the two friends. Nova grabbed his arm, pulling him along as they fled the area. The entire Forest lay in silence as the extraterrestrial mass plummeted into the pines where Nova had just been lost in thought. The shockwave created by the spherical meteor toppled many of the nearby trees, and screams of pain issued from the lips of dying Celestial young. Nova pushed herself off the ground where she had fallen, shaken off her feet by the impact. Looking back, she saw what appeared to be small, black clouds escaping the sphere, disappearing from sight before she had a chance to examine them.

The Xisren on her wrist was in total chaos, pulling Nova toward the pale, glowing sphere. As she got closer, the meteor began to crack, with large pieces of what appeared to be plasma and the rare metal lumisteel falling to the ground. Other Celests had begun to arrive at the impact zone; mysteriously, nothing was burning anymore. The lumisteel and hardened plasma were cold to the touch.

A closer vantage point allowed Nova to see inside the sphere, and she was greeted by a shimmer of light, fire dancing on the reflective surface of a sword. The Xisren was its own entity now; it had disappeared from her wrist and was now floating in the air just in front of her deep, lime green eyes. The Crest began a revolution around Nova, moving down in a spiral until it got to her feet, then it moved over to the blade and completed a revolution around it as well. It then exploded, blinding everyone in the area. A heavy weight pressed on Nova, and she gasped when her vision returned to her. She was clad in a strange armor.

The armor was made of an even stranger material, it was as easily bent as the leaves of the trees she knew so well, but seemed strong enough to block anything that might get near it. On her hip, the strange, black blade was sheathed and attached to the sash hanging loosely around her waist, weighted down on the left by the sword. The Xisren had returned to her wrist, but had not returned to normal yet, rather it was beginning to cause her entire arm to tingle, and it slowly moved toward the sword. Without conscious movement, Nova found herself standing next to Rivïo with the sword in her hand. The onyx gemstone embedded in the pommel of the blade began to pull all the light available in the clearing toward Nova.

An image of Celests frozen in place, their bodies reflective black surfaces flashed into Nova’s mind, and the blade exploded with power. A wave of crimson power fanned out in front of Nova, forming a perfect semicircle and transforming anything alive in its path into solid onyx. She dropped the blade, which buried itself in the ground next to her feet, and fell to her knees, horrified by the destructive power the blade had exemplified.

“Kenstri,” came the whisper of a frightened Celest.

“Wh- What? What is…Kenstri?”

“Kenstri is the blade the Hero Arvol carried into battle against that demon five centuries ago. Some say Arvol was trained by the very same Sage who lives in this village, but I can’t see someone so weak as a human being trained by him. No one is really sure what happened to Arvol on Nistroudis, but since the star is still up there, everyone assumed the worst.
“What does not make any sense to me, however, is the blade itself. According to lore, the blade was curved and made of pure diamond. Yet the power you just us-”

“I didn’t do that! It just…happened!”

“The power the sword just released. Better? Is definitely the same as Kenstri’s. Nothing else has ever been able to do that. But your blade…it is completely straight!
There is no trace of a curve at all, and the diamond is…is that obsidian? Why would a sword be made of obsidian? I mean, sure it is sharp but it is completely fragile! It wouldn’t even be able to withstand a single str-”

Rivïo was cut off by a strangely metallic sound as Nova struck the blade against the nearby lumisteel. Sparks flew at the point of contact, but the blade remained whole. Nova looked up at her friend with a questionable look on her face. Rivïo was speechless, a confused look on his face. He was not often wrong.

“Rivïo. You look so stupid.”

Nova had to move quickly to avoid his angry attack, a hardly perceptible but swift moving piece of ice. The attack glanced off the side of her face, freezing the plasma in place. A grunt was the only sound that alerted Nova to the frozen Celest standing just behind her. He was in the middle of swinging a wicked flail at her.

The three winners of the Xyrala are as follows; Rivïo Kâst, first. Nova Seliss, second. Zeleck Arough, third. Statistics; one thousand twenty-seven dead, two thousand seventy-three injured, and one unharmed. The Ceremony will commence tomorrow night to induct Rivïo, Nova, and Zeleck. Go home.

A slight glimmer fell over the Forest after the Elder finished speaking, healing the living Celests. The felled trees began to upright themselves, some lifting the lifeless, jet-black statues that were once Celests as they rose. Feeling returned to Nova’s face, but she hardly noticed. She was busy inspecting the armor and the blade once known as Kenstri.

“Nova.”

She looked up, piercing Rivïo with lime green daggers. His voice was an annoyance to her. The blade was all that held her attention. It was a very beautiful creation.

“Nova! It’s time to leave. Put that thing away, I don’t trust it.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Rivïo. There is something about it that just…it seems like it is controlling me.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here. I don’t like those corpses staring at me.”

“You really are pathetic, Rivïo. Thanks for taking out Zeleck.”

“I was aiming for you, Nova.”

With that, Rivïo took off in a full sprint on a path out of the Forest. Nova gave her legs a shake, checking to see if she could run in the armor. Satisfied, she began to chase him down.
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Re: "The Hero" - Prologue

Postby Broags » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:41 am

Glad to help mate.

Will read the next part when I have time to do so properly.


EDIT: Have just read the second part. You have a wonderful imagination - love the names, I always had trouble naming characters when playing RPG's and such). Please keep on with this story I'm getting hooked.

Suggestion - 'A bright, light blue light shone at her eyes' would read better as 'A bright, sky blue light shone at her eyes'.

Missing Text - ' Yet the power you just us-” ' - ' It wouldn’t even be able to withstand a single str-” '


Reading Material - Going on your story you may like the 'Wheel of Time' novels by Robert Jordan and the 'Tales From The Flat Earth' novels by Tanith Lee.

Your story is great no need to change it - can't wait for the next part. :clap:

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